Feeling Lonely, Even When Surrounded?

I hesitated to write this because it feels vulnerable, but I decided to share it anyway. Expressing my true self is becoming more important to me these days.

Loneliness has been a constant thread in my life. Even as a child, surrounded by good friends, and later as an adult with my own family, the feeling lingered. For the longest time, I didn’t understand why I felt this way.

Through my breathwork practice and personal development journey, I’ve come to realize that these feelings were rooted in my childhood. A challenging upbringing left me with deep-seated beliefs that I wasn’t worthy of love, support, or safety. These beliefs became ingrained, shaping how I saw myself and my place in the world.

Breathwork has been transformative in helping me let go of those beliefs. Over time, those feelings of loneliness have softened, integrating into a lighter, more compassionate understanding of myself.

But grief has its own rhythm, and it has a way of catching us off guard. Since my mum passed two years ago, that sense of being alone has grown louder at times. Losing both parents can do that—it amplifies the feeling of being untethered in the world.

This past Christmas, I found myself unexpectedly overwhelmed. While doing the food shopping, I overheard mums, daughters, and grandmothers chatting about their xmas plans. It hit me so deeply. I broke down in tears, standing there in the aisle, and for the rest of the day (not in the aisle! ) the grief poured out.

Grief for the love and connection I never fully received. Grief for the strained relationship I had with my mum. Grief that she’s gone now, and I’ll never have the chance to repair or deepen our bond. Grief for not knowing my dad. And grief for feeling so utterly alone in that moment.

The thing about grief is that it can appear so randomly, catching us when we least expect it. What I’ve learned, though, is to embrace it rather than suppress it. Letting those feelings flow, as painful as it is, brings a lightness afterward.

That day left me feeling heavy with loneliness, and it took time and patience to move through it. My breathwork practice has been my anchor, helping me process and release those emotions. And slowly, the lightness has returned.

I’ve been reminded that I’m not truly alone. I’m surrounded by love, support, and safety—from my family, my friends, and even from within myself.

If you’ve ever felt this way, know that you’re not alone either. The journey may feel heavy at times, but there is lightness on the other side.